Out of control Manchester United midfielder Paul Scholes has allegedly killed an innocent Wasp in front of horrified players.
Scholes, reportedly let rip in the United dressing room after his teams dismal defeat away to Blackburn Rovers.
One player, who we cannot name for legal reasons, said: “Basically, what happened blood, Sir Alex was dissing our performance, for some sick reason my bruv Nani pointed to the wall where the wasp was hovering, suddenly Scholsey jumped up out of nowhere, grabbed his shin pad and repeatedly battered the wasp to a pulp, innit.”
The same player later Tweeted: “A Wasp has been killed by Scholesy. Sick times. I love all of my followers. Tweet me.”
Another eye witness described the vicious attack: “Paul usually sits on his own in the dressing room talking to himself, but the wasp obviously got to him. He showed no mercy. Shocked.”
Manchester Metropolitan Police have confirmed the incident: “A small, ginger, male-manc, has been arrested on suspicion of insect murder; we have detained him, pending further inquiries.”
United boss Sir Alex Ferguson was unavailable for comment, but United co-owner Malcolm Glazer phoned our office stating: “In light of this event, our financial situation has been re-assessed and I can confirm that ticket prices will be going up 57% as of next season to fund Paul’s expected court case.”
This latest eruption from Scholes has lead to rumours suggesting that he is not enjoying the latest instalment of Dancing On Ice with his wife.
Ryan Giggs, a lifelong friend of Scholes told us: “Paul has enjoyed every evening in with his wife for the past 20 years. Paul was having a dig at the show; he was moaning how unfair the voting system is on numerous occasions. I’ve never seen him so animated.”
Scholes will now miss United’s most important part of the season as they chase a second treble.
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